How the State Is Out to Tear Down and Restructure the American Family

“Every baby needs a lap.” ~Henry Robin

Adoption is an old practice. The Romans adopted children and adults—wasn’t Ben Hur adopted? as an adult? Paul the Apostle, a Roman citizen, knew about such practices. He, and he alone of all biblical writers, talked about adoption, and that only five times in the KJV (Romans 8:15, 23; 9:4; Galatians 4:5; Ephesians 1:5). He said Christians were adopted into the family of God.

Most persons admire adoption, and in some cases it has turned out well. I can call the names of a dozen or more families that I know personally who have adopted, with good—actually wonderful—results, because the persons I know are sweet Christians with beautiful children. “Time and experience have taught me a priceless lesson: Any child you take for your own becomes your own if you give of yourself to that child. I have borne two children and had seven others by adoption, and they are all my children, equally beloved and precious” (Dale Evans).

But I do not think all adoptions are good.

When the late, broad-smiling Jerry Falwell introduced his Liberty Godparent Home as a place where, as an alternative to abortion, unwed mothers could come, receive counseling, and either keep their babies or drop them for disposal, I cringed. Maybe adoption was alright for the baby. Maybe. But what about the mother? When the late, seemingly compassionate Mother Teresa said, “A child is a gift of God. If you do not want him, give him to me,” I had much the same reaction. Maybe adoption was alright for the baby. Maybe. But what about the mother?

It was an easy thing for the male Jerry Falwell and the virgin Mother Teresa to come up with simple solutions—they themselves would never experience childbirth nor the mental anguish of sacrificing a child fresh from the womb. All theoretical to them. But I am a mother. I had a difficult pregnancy and childbirth, and it colors my reaction to all anti-abortion alternatives. Am I pro-abortion? No. I am pro-life. But, to me, adoption is not an option. We need to prevent unwanted pregnancy: I am pro-abstinence and pro-decency. We need to find a way to keep families together, not separate them, unless the birth parent is mentally or physically incapacitated or is a substance abuser. Even, then, the child should know whose he is.

“When you honor the birth family, you honor the child. When you don’t honor the birth family, the child will believe that something is inherently wrong with him/her.” ~Sherrie Eldridge

Ever read Gone With the Wind? No, of course not. You may have seen the movie, but who reads the book, right? My copy is over a thousand pages. And Nelson Bell’s wife, Virginia, even threw hers in the fire because it had profanity (one word) and a brothel, though I’ve read worse in the Bible. I mean for sordid details, you cannot beat the Bible—because the Bible tells it like it is.

Anyway, in Gone With the Wind, when Rhett Butler returned from an unplanned trip, with his small daughter, he found an angry Scarlett, unexpectedly pregnant with her fourth child, at the top of the stairs. When she told Rhett, they exchanged words. “Cheer up,” he said, turning from her and starting up the stairs, “maybe you’ll have a miscarriage.”

“For a dizzy moment she thought what childbearing meant, the nausea that tore her, the tedious waiting, the thickening of her figure, the hours of pain. Things no man could ever realize. And he dared to joke.” She lunged at him. He sidestepped. When she fell, then nearly died, he nearly died with her.

There is pain in life. There is pain in having a baby. Sort of like going down to a deep dark dungeon, being placed on a rack, and being tortured. It is physical. It is real. One mother’s description was “Nails would be sweet.” And what I hate about all the talk of adoption, even surrogancy, is the forgotten mother, the rejected birth family.

I saw a movie the other night: Like Dandelion Dust (2009). Approved by the Dove Foundation. Checked out of the church library. I saw it once. I will never see it again. It was the worn, cliched scenario of two families fighting over a child: in the birth family a stereotypical alcoholic father and abused wife (not a true-to-life alcoholic and codependent); in the adopting family a superrich couple (not a true-to-life working family). I could have forgiven the shallow story line, I suppose—what I could not forgive was the belittling of the birth family, the build-up of the adopting family, and the behind-the-scenes interviews with the neurotic author and simple-minded director. They treated adoption as if it were as ornamental as adding a deck onto your house or landscaping your back yard. Something bright and pretty to grace your life. The writer hopes “the movie will inspire people to adopt.” Sort of like adopt-a-puppy.

Maybe it is alright for nice people to adopt orphaned infants—I’m qualifying everything here—but if the child has even one biological parent, he should know his family. Infants are not products that you buy at the store. They come with DNA—genes—and a child has a right to know his kinfolk. Some adopting families are in denial. They think a child is a tabula rasa, and nurture is everything. Not true.

My dad was a maladjusted orphan living in an orphans home when he turned teenager. At that point no adopting family would have been accepted by him or could have put up with him because he knew where he belonged: back on the farm with his folk (now deceased). So it was better that it turned out as it did. When he came of age, he went into the military and created a life for himself.

For us children, who never knew our grandparents on that side of the family, there was always the mystery. What were they like? The closest we knew was my dad’s siblings and my granddad’s siblings; to this day we know little about my dad’s mother. Because of my own experience, the separation of child from birth family hits close to home. I feel for the adopted child who, like me, will never know his forebears. Or, who, experiencing the same mysterious yearnings, will try to track them down. I have never known an adopted child who did not, sooner or later, go looking.

The old way, of noninference by the State, was better because friends or family took in strays and served as godparents or foster parents, without court involvement. “Adoption is not about finding children for families, it’s about finding families for children” (Joyce Maguire Pavao). If the State hires foster families, who are caring for a child only for money, then the child becomes nothing more than chattel or the property of the court. In a society, already well-drenched in Marxist socialism, this is where we are today: where the State owns nearly everything, even the children.

The Adoption Tax Credit is a tax credit (not a deduction) offered by the Federal government to encourage adoption. It has been extended and expanded with the Health Care and Education Reconciliation Act of 2010. What do you suppose is the interest of the Federal government in encouraging adoption and paying people to adopt? Why are Federal dollars involved here? Just this: the State wants your children. They have written it into the Health Care Bill.

The State has also created a division, Child Protective Services (CPS), for confiscating children against the parents’ wishes. You don’t want the State to enter your home without your permission? Well, the State will come in by stealth. Claiming to be “protecting” the children. Even if the true biological parents are not bad people. And sometimes CPS will place the children snatched from a two-parent intact family with single moms or homosexual couples; in 2007, 270,000 children were living with homosexual couples; one-fourth were adopted.

“As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children.” ~Anita Bryant

“Sixty percent of all adoption agencies in the US take applications from lesbians and gays. The reality on the ground is moving ahead of the policy debate.” ~Adam Pertman

“The point of adoption is to create a new family with all the rights and responsibilities that go with that.” ~Cecilia Zalkind

Copyright © 2015 Alexandra Lee

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